Trial of express the shogi game content by cartoon

Compared with other sports, shogi is said that it's difficult for many audience to understand the content of pｒofessional player's games, what battle is done in the game, from kifu.
Therefore, I try to express the brief content by cartoon (of course, I also can't find the actual content in detail but be able to grasp overview).

The below is a cartoon which describe the 5th game of Ryuou title match last year, which Akira Watanabe won the Ryuou title against Tetsurou Itodani (I've been affected by Dragon Ball).
In this game, Itodani Ryuou formed rare castle and then Watanabe attacked fiercely. Even after Itodani persisted with King entering, Watanabe won by the lack of piece points of Itodani.

You can see the real kifu in here.
http://live.shogi.or.jp/ryuou/kifu/28/ryuou201512020101.html

I wonder this trial is good or not. I think this trial is difficult for me, but has more room to improve.

So, if you have a comment, please advise me.